Addendums to ongoing situations. Add to your binders.
Sifters
The strike is over and once again they are working to keep the beach free of shells and gull bones. Sifters make noise when agitated. Do not touch them, their colanders, or their piles.
Cave Clowns
The crisis remains unresolved. Keep away from the area until the exploratory team returns and files a report.
Night Ravioli
Exactly what it sounds like.
Cloud of Grackles
Council continues to recommend safety goggles and high collars. If a halo develops, seek shelter underground or in a building with few windows (preferably the cannery or the orphanage).
Flo Pu
This is the woman from the movie about unpleasant Scandinavians. She’s here to relax. Please don’t approach.
Lake Eggs
Probably safe to eat.
Gift Baskets
All the candies and dried fruits have been cleared for consumption. Continue to store the remaining items — nuts, salted meats, bread shards, etc. — in a cool damp place.
Cold Lady
A tall thin woman may climb into your bed to get warm by tangling her bony limbs around you. This will not resolve on its own. Call the front desk, then pass the phone to the Cold Lady.
Ghost Uber
Don’t get in the Ghost Uber.
Lego Gristle
Just work around it and continue the Hometown Facsimile Project.
Small Gray Hands
This is believed to be a myth resulting from high levels of stress experienced by the residents of cabin complex E. If you believe you personally have seen or in some way interacted with Small Gray Hands, please report to medical.
Blockchain
Listen to his seminar, say thanks, and get out of there.
Bangs
It’s all about confidence, honestly.
Wisher
Long story short: He thinks humans have wishbones in their chest cavities somewhere and is desperate to harness your “luck energy.” Nothing we can do about a guy like that.
